Secret to Building Loving Relationships
Let’s face it, we all want to be loved. It never feels good when people don’t like us, criticize us or reject us. Sometimes we even find ourselves going against our personal values or doing things we don’t really want to do—just to be accepted.
Whether we’re longing for a fulfilling romantic relationship, friendships where we feel we belong, or peaceful family dynamics, we all want to feel loved, but why does this deep satisfying love seem so elusive? In this article, we’re going to explore some of the biggest obstacles that stand in the way of love.
Why Energy Matters
Understanding the world of energy is helpful when building loving relationships. We’re all familiar with the saying, “You could cut the tension with a knife.” It’s a simple way of acknowledging that the energetic dynamic created by a person or people feels uncomfortable.
We constantly emit and receive energetic messages from one another and even if we aren’t consciously aware of this process taking place, we are still affected by the invisible messages. This can be likened to radio frequencies being sent into the airwaves while other radio receivers respond to the sound vibrations by playing music.
Thoughts, feelings and intentions create the energies that others respond to. This is critical to understand because the quality of energy we put out will net a return. For instance, if a person outputs criticism, blame and irritation, the likelihood of them receiving gentleness and compassion in return is very low. On the other hand, if someone outputs energies of genuine caring and total acceptance of others, they have a good chance of developing deep and meaningful connections with others because energetic messages of caring and acceptance feel good and safe.
Here's the top 2 reasons where most of us go wrong:
1. We make loving relationships about ourselves and what we get rather than about how we love and support.
We all fall into this trap of setting expectations of what we want, how we want to be treated and then focus on how people fail to reach the bar we’ve set. The energy we emit once this disappointment sets in, will not feel good to on the receiving end and will set the tone to perpetuate the cycle of disappointment.
We can change this unwanted dynamic by asking ourselves, “How can I love and support this person?” This may be the most challenging question one can ask because it requires us to look at our disappointment and hurt and get over it. Essentially, we’re being asked to let go of our old stories of victimization rise above the pain, darkness, the shadow side of ourselves and others, and meet it with unconditional love.
This brings me to my next point. Some of you reading this will be saying right about now, “But I do everything and my partner does nothing!”
When we want something in return for our kindness, we’re actually setting up a business deal, rather than building deep and loving relationships. There is nothing wrong with wanting fairness and equality. In fact, it’s necessary for healthy relationships, and if you struggle with things like boundaries or feeling taken advantage of, there are entire workshops dedicated to healing these issues. It’s definitely a good idea to work on these power struggles before flinging the doors of your heart wide open.
A simple rule of thumb, is to honour what you are able to give without being motivated by guilt, obligation, needing recognition or any reciprocation. If you can give without any expectation of receiving anything in return, including appreciation or kindness, you’ve just had a moment of unconditional love. After all, energy doesn’t lie and will always reflect to you how well you’re doing emitting the highest healing vibration of unconditional love. This is the most powerful currency one can possess, and it leads to the deeply satisfying, intimate connections in life, where one feels a sense of belonging and freedom.
If there were one profound bit of wisdom I could impart about healing, this next point is at the crux of all healing and every spiritual journey.
2. We struggle to receive love.
At the heart of every wound, is an inability or unwillingness to let go of our inner darkness. Think of the hurts, fears and violations you’ve experienced over the years. Each one of these experiences, whether there were major crises situations or thousands of little hurts, registered in your energy field. Each helped shape who you are. Imagine the painful experiences as globs of energy still caught within you. Even if you’ve mentally or cognitively come to terms with what’s happened and the incidences have long been forgotten, most of us still carry the energetic imprint of these experiences. Until these ‘wounds’ or imprints of pain have been released, they will continue to wreak havoc in your life.
These imprints of pain, that you aren’t even consciously aware of, will ultimately sabotage your ability to receive unconditional love.
The best way to release these obstacles to love, is to be open to allowing more love in—not the love imbued with expectations or business exchanges, but the unconditional kind of love that comes from the universe/Divine Consciousness/Source. Many of us vehemently resist genuine love in attempt to protect ourselves from more hurt. We tell ourselves we are unworthy, we desperately hang on to control from the ego, we guard ourselves… and cause so much unnecessary pain and suffering. We simply don’t understand this consciousness of love, the warmth, safety, empowerment, acceptance and freedom it brings.
Once this consciousness of unconditional love begins to unlock, life becomes a beautiful tapestry that you are a part of. You become a powerful channel of healing and grace simply because you are.
If you’re interested in building more loving relationships, unlocking the best version of yourself and embracing love and light to a new level, consider signing up for Dawn’s group mentoring sessions.