Empaths are sensitive to the energy around them. Anyone who has ever taken one of my classes, or understands basic science, knows that everything is energy and that we are all affected by it whether we realize it or not. Technology can now measure the energy of emotions using radio frequencies but empaths don't need scientific proof, because for them, strong human emotions are palpable and can feel as uncomfortable as a slap across the face.
Perhaps one of the hardest things for an empath is to say, “No” to people. We tend to be very sensitive to how others are feeling and their discomfort becomes our discomfort. When we’re feeling everything to the nth degree, it’s no wonder why we avoid anger, hate conflict and can’t stop that bad habit of people pleasing. I often joke that if we could see the energetic exchange between people we’d see an energetic vacuum hose attached to the person’s energy field who puts everyone else’s needs first. It would be sucking the vitality right out of them and it is no wonder why so many empaths complain of feeling drained, taken advantage of and exhausted all the time.
Relationships that are very difficult to leave tend to have unhealthy and unequitable energetic exchanges on both sides. It's possible to actually feel a pull on your energy that feels like a magnetic force is drawing you in. Typically, the person doing the pulling is desperately needing someone or something to make them feel better but there is no denying that it takes two for this energetic dynamic to occur. Perhaps you haven’t been aware of this energetic pull quite so consciously, and at times you're likely the one pulling, but if you’ve ever had a relationship where you’ve walked away saying, “I lost myself in that,” you’ve lived what I’m describing.
There are certain feelings and thought patterns that indicate this unhealthy energetic exchange is taking place. If you struggle with the following list, be compassionate with yourself and your energetic dancing partner(s). Remember that when we experience unhealthy energetic patterns, it doesn’t mean anyone is bad, but rather, the people in them have some wounds that are hurting.
1. When we excuse someone’s poor behaviour towards us we’re allowing that person to dominate us energetically. Usually this is because we either feel sorry for the person or we just don’t want to deal with the discomfort of anger and conflict. Either way, we aren’t experiencing an equal or balanced energetic exchange.
2. When we’re feeling guilty it indicates that we’re feeling obligated to do something when we don’t really want to. In other words, we’re feeling responsible for energetically financing someone else.
3. When we’re rescuing we really need to look at what the pay off is for us because energetically there is one. There is a big difference between offering loving support that empowers others and keeping someone dependent on us.
4. When we energetically accept someone’s anger and blame it can really feel horrible. Conversely, we need to be mindful not to project blame onto others because our thoughts and feelings can feel just as uncomfortable for someone we're angry with. There is nothing wrong with the emotion of anger but making another human being responsible for our feelings is unfair, lacks accountability and makes it impossible for us to grow.
It's always important to remember that others can be catalysts for our feelings but no one else can make us feel a certain way. Negative feelings, whether it’s guilt, sadness or anger, come from our own fears, insecurities and limiting beliefs. Good energetic boundaries then, are more about dealing with our own inner demons rather than protecting ourselves from the negativity in our external environment. When we stop taking others actions, thoughts or feelings personally, and look deeply at why these things are affecting us, our energetic boundaries become strong and we find ourselves unaffected by the energetic chaos going on around us.
To learn more about what your energy is doing and how energetic boundaries work, Dawn offers one on one sessions and empowerment workshops. www.EmbracingMyLight.ca